Forgiven

The-crucifixion-Pietro Lorenzetti-1340s

The Crucifixion, Pietro Lorenzetti, 1340s

Poem for Good Friday

I wondered at another’s strength,
begrudged her victory despite the cost,
and was ashamed of being not as strong.

I contemplated Jesus on the cross
while I forgot the resurrection
and the lessons: gratitude, compassion;
and I walked away from grace, ashamed
of clinging to my body and not
making of it such an offering.

I shunned companionship, ashamed
of wanting it—a friend, an intimate
would be too soft a pillow for a
head that ought to bear a crown
of thorns instead—and with such cruel
thoughts, in solitude, I clawed my spirit
even as I prayed for God to spare me
suffering and loss

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